Abrasax millennials are not presented in a positive light.
They are depicted as narcissistic
and self-indulgent lords
who care only about themselves who run industries on many worlds
for the sole purpose of extending their
special effects, at first blush, are
fantastic. The winged spaceships
are amazing. But give it a
rest. What the Wachowskis
have given us is too much. There is too much
irrelevant detail, too much
backdrop, and altogether too much
phrenetic flying at the expense of actually telling a
story. What the film amounts to are a series of
chase scenes. Give me one thrilling
Steve McQueen car chase scene going airborne over the
hills of San Francisco in
the 1968 film
Bullitt. But don't give me a movie that is so
padded with bullets, chase scenes, and explosions that it is
a waste of time to view. Alas,
in Jupiter Ascending,
the chase scenes are the movie.
And when does the
Science Fiction aficionado's willing suspension of disbelief
pop? It is when the velocity of the escapes does not
obey the rules of Physics.
The law of inertia seems to
have been totally disregarded in this film. In the real world,
the characters of Caine Wise
and Jupiter Jones would have
broken like rag dolls as they
were propelled upon air surfing boots
and both broken their necks and splattered like
Guacamole against the inner hull of their spaceship as
it accelerated suddenly, changed direction suddenly, and decelerated
so quickly. Give me a break. Bla ...
bla ... bla.
This is a
clichéd and stupid film. Go. Inadvertently destroy
the House of Abrasax, which
spares the human beings of Earth
from being harvested. Return. Why have a character leave her
world, be recognized as a superior being, claim her legacy, then
leave? Would she not have done more good from a position of power
than merely escaping back to the toilet
bowl cleaning life she was abducted from? Yes, but that
would have required some good Science
Fiction writing, which seems to have escaped this production.
Does the occasional date with genetically altered and
rewinged dog-boy to go sky
surfing over the lights of
Chicago, at night, make it all worthwhile?
My question is how did this film
get the green light with such
a bad story line, little meaningful dialogue, no explanation
for things that beg explanation, and little scientific basis
Avoid watching this film at all
costs. It is nothing but a waste of time. You don't leave feeling
satisfied. You won't want to see it again. You won't want to
purchase the DVD. There is
no catharsis. You just leave
asking the question: that's it? And you feel cheated.
Jupiter Ascending uses
gadgets, gimmicks, and gizmos that amount to nothing
to present the lowest form of drama:
spectacle. So much CGI
is used to baffle the senses that it is
boring beyond belief. The film is
clichéd, takes you nowhere, and teaches nothing.
If anything, it will act as aversive
conditioning to never watch another
But what is that noise I hear?
Could it be the flush of $176 million
dollars spiralling down the toilet that
Jupiter Jones so assiduously
To quote the narrator in the
1966 animated film
The Grinch that Stole Christmas, directed by
Chuck Jones and based on the book by
[spoken] The three words
that best describe you are as follows and I quote:
begs the question: how do I scrape this film off the
bottom of my shoe?